The Bible & TV Guide

Mrs. Prayer Meeting died recently at the first neglected church, on Worldly Ave. Born many years ago in the midst of Great Revivals, she was a strong health child, fed largely on testimony and scriptural Holiness, soon growing into world-wide prominence, and was one of the most influential members of the famous church family. For the past several years Sister Prayer Meeting has been in failing health gradually wasting away until rendered helpless by stiffness of knees, coldness of heart, inactivity and weakness of purpose and willpower. At the last she was but a shadow of her former self.

Her last whispered words were inquiries concerning the strange absence of her loved ones, now absent from her presence, busy in the marts of trade and places of worldly amusements. Her older brother, Brother Class Meeting, has been dead for many years. Experts, including Dr. Works, Dr. Reform, and Dr. Joiner, disagreed as to the cause of her fatal illness, administering large doses of organization socials, contests, and fund raisers, but to no avail. A postmortem showed that a deficiency of spiritual food, coupled with lack of fasting faith, heart-felt Religion, shameless desertion and non-support were contributing causes, only a few were present at her death, sobbing over memories of her past beauty and power. Carefully selected pallbearers were urged to tenderly bear her remains away, but failed to appear.

There were no flowers. Her favorite hymns, Amazing Grace" and Rock of Ages," were not sung. Miss Ima Modern rendered "Beautiful Isle' of somewhere," but: None had any idea where this fancied isle might be. The body rests in the beautiful cemetery of Bygone Glories, awaiting the summons from above. In honor of her going, the church doors will be closed on Wednesday night, save on the third Wednesday of each month when the Ladies Pink Lemonade Society serves refreshments to the members of the Men's Handball Team.

-Author Unknown

The Holy Bible & the TV Guide

On the table side by side, the Holy Bible and the TV Guide, one is well worn but cherished with pride, No, not the Bible it’s the TV guide.  One is use daily to help people decide, No!  It’s not the Bible, it’s the TV Guide.  As pages are turned, what shall they see?  Oh, what does it matter, just turn on the TV.  Confusion reigns, they can’t all agree, on what to watch on the old TV.  So they open the book in which they confide, No, it’s not the Bible; it’s the TV Guide.

The Word of God is seldom read, maybe a verse or two before they fall into bed.  Exhausted and sleepy and as tired as can be, not from reading the Bible, but from watching TV.  So, then back on the table side by side, is the Holy Bible and the TV Guide.  No time for prayer, no time for the Word; God plan of Salvation is seldom heard.  Forgiveness of sin so full and free, is found in the Bible and not on TV.

  Author Unk.